I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
