Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
