I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
