I saw his package. It spoke to me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
