oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize