so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
