Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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