If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
