my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
did you just send me my own nude
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
