i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm at about main and main street
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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