I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
