Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize