I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize