i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
porn star boner night. come get it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We are all done wearing pants today
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
