I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
