She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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