Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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