All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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