Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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