Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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