you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize