it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
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