in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
where are my eyebrows?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
