shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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