sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
