Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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