If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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