I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He passed out mid-signature
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
