Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
