I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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