I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
