For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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