Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So many bounce houses so little time
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I could fuck to npr.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
