That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize