Kiss
Puke
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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