Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
