I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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