i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
