I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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