I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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