did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
