She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize