who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
