I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
