i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize