I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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