I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
A+ Viking dick
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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