Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
