so let's talk penis.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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