I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
