wrigley field is MILF paradise
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
