ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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