Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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