Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
