My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
