There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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