I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My balls are so social today.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
