So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
