dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
is it fun? or sober?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
