I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
