I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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