I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
