Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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