so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
