What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
