You're so nebulous sometimes
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
