i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
