I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
