I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
