Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
