i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
