No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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