i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
