Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
