If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
