Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
