first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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