How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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