pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
