Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
