dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
