It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize